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My quarter life crisis: Overweight , broke and about to be dumped

I hate my life. Passionately. It doesn’t matter if anyone else out there has it worse than I do. I don’t care. It’s not my problem. As far as I know, earth is a shitty planet, with so many shitty and pretentious people. And yet, worse than the shitty citizens of earth, is my amoebic frame staring back at me from the mirror.

God my body is Uh-gggly, with annoying pads of fat everywhere. I can’t wear a T-shirt without my tyre rolls priding itself. I hate all these thick-slim b**ches bringing their shitty Tik Tok to instagram. Bayo( my boyfriend ) keeps using them as body goal for me. The effrontery. He even gave me an ultimatum : lose weight, or lose me.

Before now, I naturally assumed love was the holy grail; me and Bayo on the frontline of our ever deep love for each other,with all our imperfections blurred out. I wonder how I went from being his big bold and beautiful heartthrob to b***ch shred some meat. Mtchew. Life sucks big-time!

Some people have life going well for them at least in one category. I live at the extreme of bad luck. For one, the entire Pie chart of my life is at zero percent. Nothing is working :

Relationship 👎

Money in the bank 👎

Self esteem 👎

Dreams/ goals 👎

Physique 👎

In touch with my core( whatever this means) 👎

Balling /living my best life in real life or at least on IG or Tik Tok 👎

I remember turning twenty – five in June (2020) , and thinking shiii… I’m five years away from thirty. With nothing to my name, except this fairly used iPhone 7, two braided wigs, fifteen pair of jeans, five pairs of leggings, ten pairs of corporate shirt, sixteen skirts, my undies(which make up 60% of my entire clothdom) four converse shoes, six flat shoes, and four slippers, one crocs and the must-have little black dress, and a pile of miscellaneous clothes that I never fold. And Oh I have my BSC. In Education Guidance and Counseling .What use is a BSC if you can’t bag a job with it? Mtchew.

If you were a fat twenty five year old, who still lives with her parents,unemployed, with zero money, zero skills and about to lose your boyfriend, won’t you hate your life?

Growing up, I vowed to be filthy rich by twenty three, at the zenith career, touring the world at liberty, helping young unfortunate people through my NGO( named after me of course — Sandra. Maybe not such a great choice of name to use. But by then it wouldn’t be my problem. I would pay some brand strategist to figure out a great name)

I had my life all planned out, and yet, before anything else, being a Nigerian disadvantaged me. A country where dreams die. Stoopid country. 😠🇳🇬👎

I know you’re probably tired of me whining. To be fair, I’m tired of myself too. Nobody exactly handed me a handbook for this phase of life called adulthood.

To be honest, I need your help. No it’s not money. And no I’m not about to ask you to hook me up with a God fearing yahoo boy that is into plus size women. I need your honest advice. How do I overcome my struggles and succeed in this life?

I sweru Gawd this life no balance for me.

Please type your advice in the comment box below.

Thank you. ❤

About Venicia Iroakazi

Hi. I'm a Wordweaver and I truly enjoy making words come alive.

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  1. Dear Sandra, your story is indeed touching, you’ve been through alot already and honestly it’s not a funny situation at all but it’s a phase of life we all get to pass through sometimes, and like you said there’s really no handbook on adulthood but we can always scale through if we get the right support and I believe that’s what you’re looking for, support in the form of advice to help you pull through this phase, so here’s my little advice and I do hope it helps, I’ll try my best to make it as concise as possible, and oh, I might  sound a bit preachy, lol, it’s just who I am okay.

    Firstly (I don’t know if you’re a Christian, but if you are then awesome) I’d like to say that, our situations don’t define us, that’s what Jesus does for us.

    Personally, I don’t think your size is your problem, I think you has alot of personal reevaluation to do and plus you seem to have  placed your self esteem and assurances of joy in the wrong places eg boyfriend. (Don’t get me wrong, the bonds of relationships we share with the people we hold dear should be a source of encouragement and uplift us especially in trying times such as this, but then our relationships don’t define us, yes they may tell to some extent the kind of person we are for choosing to accept  this particular person (for what ever reason best known to us) but don’t carry your entire source of joy and peace and definition and drop it on the lap of a boyfriend (or girlfriend; just incase a guy is reading this too) but like I said earlier, there are certain things only God can do and be for us)

    I don’t know how long you must have searched for a job, but you could still search some more.

    Develop a skill, good thing is you still have your iPhone7 with you, which is good for a lot of amazing digital services, learn one or two or more of them and tune up you skill set

    Start something entrepreneural, no matter how small either sales or services (not your body tho) , as a graduate and a tech savvy  person (which I think you are) I believe you can package your business in a way that will ensure you get good returns, plus there are alot of free online resources to help you build your business.

    Then if you are genuinely not okay with your size, please by all means do your best to reduce, but do it for the right reasons that you could live with okay.

    I don’t know what your friendship circle is like, but from the looks of things I assume you don’t have a good friendship circle (just an assumption), if you do great, if you don’t I recommend you start building and cultivating a healthy friendship circle.

    Get books, good books that will help you grow, place your spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, psychological growth on a steady diet and be diligent enough with it.

    Lastly I’ll say again, there are somethings that only God can do and be for us (think about it ).

    We make plans and set things in motion to get stuff done, but most times our plans don’t turn out they way we hoped, sweery it’s not the end of the world, that’s a time to sit down, reevaluate, thank God and be grateful for things we still have (eg life) as well as the things we lost, gather data as to why things didn’t work out the way you hoped (data is your friend cause if you don’t know it, you can’t fix it) fix what needs fixing, restructure what and what needs restructuring, pray and commit the next phases of your life into God’s capable hands and then lunch out into the greatness you designed to be.

    You’ve got this Sandra, I believe in you

  2. I was going to drop my 2cents, but seems my fellow reader has “said it all”. So, just to add to what He has said already.

    I would like to first of all let you know Sandra that, you are God’s masterpiece, mysteriously complex and Marvelously Breath taking – quoting the scripture actually! That is who God has made you to be, so do not use negative words on your yourself.

    Your thoughts and words are elements of creation that shapes and molds your destiny. Think about where you want to be, what you want to achieve in life, block out anything you don’t want to appear in your future, think about all you want experience going forward and look yourself in the mirror and make those positive confessions. That is the first step to transforming your life.

    Then, deliberately make plans and take action, taking one day at a time. Small goals like little drops of water that would culminate into crushing big goals. This would fill you with a sense of purpose and change your perception to the challenges of everyday life. Your weight won’t be a a curse anymore, your relationship won’t define you anymore, a successful career won’t seem far fetched anymore. Hope you have s great life

    Lots of love Sandra❤
    Keep Living!

  3. hmm.
    Dear Sandra,
    I’ll try making this short
    Try loving yourself by

    1. Deciding to face yourself

    2. Completely leave social media (decipline yourself to for atleast 3month.
    In these times of silence you’d be amazed who you truely are that you didn’t know.

    3. Cry

    4. Write down the things you’d like to do
    Truth be told, you won’t be able to do them all, so I’d advise write down alot of things, and tick out the ones you’ve done. You can write out daily task..
    The list of things should include
    1. Waking up time
    2. Prayer or meditation time
    3. Reading time
    4. Who you want to visit and time to visit
    5. movie time
    6. writing time,
    7. Job hunting ( mind you, you should apply for atleast 100 jobs before you begin to tire ” e get why”)
    8. Skills learning time. You must learn something no matter how insignificant it looks. He, How to type fast, write a memo, use Excel, learn new things Sandy.

    5. Changing environment can mean alot. Risk it call a friend staying far away, ask them to give you few weeks to try look for a job in that area

    6. Girl Decide to live for we are all living

    Gaskia me I shaa need some of those flesh like you baa, I’m so skinny people think I’m malnusrished Hahahahahah I don suffer but hey babe laugh small even if my joke dry. Just laugh I dey try
    Decide to live Sandy be intentional about it. God’s got you baby girl

    (Hehehehehhehe what a long-short write up)

  4. Hy Sandra. I just want to say you beautiful, you are amazing, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are perfection. It doesn’t matter what people say be it your boyfriend or whoever, it doesn’t matter how your situation is, but what matters is what God is saying about you and what he is cooking up for you. Try perceiving the Love Of God around you. Your alive, that’s enough reason for you to know God isn’t yet done with you. Be patient, do your part by Loving him, fellowshipping with God building yourself daily and sit back and see what God will do. I learnt something that God doesn’t work on a barren land, prepare a foundation for him to work on. Don’t give up. Two farmers were waiting for rain but one farmer went out to prepare his field. So who do you think was ready for the rain?? Choose the Kind of farmer you want to be. I Love you Girl but God Loves you more. Kisses. (John3:16). And please dear when next your boyfriend start acting up about your body tell him with confidence Am God’s Perfect Master Piece. Hallelujah.

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