If I were to give a seven word speech about my life currently, It’d be:
” Match me I am your door mat.”
My name is Omolara Adeola but my homies call me Lara. I suffer from PPD (people pleasing disease). It’s a silly thing for a girl like me to say, but it’s true. The first time I was diagnosed was last week. I went out on a stroll with my good friend Chike, and he said this to me:
” Lara you’re a people pleaser. I mean It’s ok to go out of your way to do stuff and be there for people you care about, but you don’t know when to say No.”
I felt a bitter taste in my mouth. The truth had a way of making you beg for the ground to open and swallow you. I wanted so badly to be gulped by the ground and dragged into one of those sci-fi movie scenes where everything was white, noiseless and empty.
I’m a girl with a heart of gold. Not rusty gold. Pure sparkling, pristine gold. Chike must have had life rough recently, and is merely dishing advice from a place of pain. Wait oo. Is it because I didn’t agree to date him when he asked that I be his girlie, that is causing him to ooze rubbish from his mouth? Typical men. Mtchew. I’d demote him from the friend zone if he doesn’t take caution. What nonsense? What about him? A certified snub. Mean looking . Hardly smiles. Stingy even to his own self. If he’s looking to take out a speck from any eye, he should start with his, there’s a hefty log of wood sitting pretty in those brown eyes of his.
Before accepting truth, there’s usually a period of denial, and being defensive. No matter how I tried to deny it, Chike was right. I have come to terms with this PPD. I had to take a chill pill and think through my life. I wanted to identify some of my patterns. I know this sounds like some yoga deep mindfulness meditation stuff. But it’s not. It’s just me realizing that I’ve lived my life like a bowl of ice-cream 🍦, trying to make everyone like me. To keep up with this lifestyle, I have exhibited thoughtless behaviours. Sheesh😱 someone call 911! Oh forget it, this is Nigeria.🇳🇬
Thoughtless behaviour number one :
I regularly cancel super important plans, rather than come off as unavailable to my friends. One good example would be when I had planned to take my younger sister to the mall, so we could hang out , bills on me of course. And immediately cancelled because my friends wanted us to take a group picture for the gram ( content creator magic). My younger sister was upset. But then she can’t disown me as her sister, but my buddies might think I’m not a serious friend if I didn’t show up.
Thoughtless behaviour number two: I reeked of LSE (low self esteem)
It’s sour to say, but I’m a social approval junkie. I take comments quite seriously,and personally too. One time, a young man that slid into my DM, wanted us to meet in person. I agreed since we both lived in Ibadan . On the set date, I got dressed. To be honest I thought that I was pretty lit. However, walking out of my house , and walking a few blocks, to the place I could board a 🚕 taxi, nobody complimented me. Not a single breathing living soul. Even Alaye no shout ” Heysi fine gal! ” I lost my guts and went back home. Just like that, lost a potential boyfriend.
I could go on about my thoughtless behaviours. But by now you already understand what I’m dealing with. I’m a chronic people pleaser, with zero respect for my own personal boundaries. I’m afraid to say NO because I fear that people might hate me. I want to be liked. I want to be everyone’s fave. And to be that, I have overspent myself.
I’m tired of living this way, how do I get myself out?
Please leave your replies in the comment box. No unkind words please. Thank you.